UMblog

reason of life: be yourself and you will find a reason of your own

Everyone always says that the grass is greener on the other side. That thing’s are brighter and full of color. Well what exactly does that mean, why the hell would anyone say that? Are they trying to cover up something that was never meant to be? Are they ashamed to admit the truth of things? That this place we call home is in fact a dark and terrible place to be. That we are merely lost in ourselves, and can not find a way out. Are we so self absorbed that we can’t even take the time to sit and appreciate the finer things; I know they are there and they should be appreciated. Is this world so dark and our hearts so black that we can’t even see? See the truth in the things that we are doing? I for one am not proud of what has become of our world. I am sick with disgust at the way this place has become, and it’s not getting any better. It’s getting darker, and I can barely see the sky anymore. I can’t see the truths that the sky gives to us. All the sky gives me in return is rain, rain and snow. Nothing but the sky’s tears, and anger. I understand its pain, for sometimes it is my pain, the pain that is so deeply embedded into me. The pain the truth, of the lies that have been spewed from loved ones mouths. Why do people feel the need to lie? Does it make them feel better about themselves to know that they did the worst thing of all? They let the darkness inside them come out and be shown to the world. I mean its bad enough that everyone is sick, but to let sickness out? I think it’s the reason for the darkness in our skies, the pain in everyone’s smile, the hurt that overwhelms us. I am lost and confused of this world. It makes me sick to think of all the things that we as humans have made and done. Don’t get me wrong there has been some good in this life. We have made and done things that I am proud to say that there is good. In fact I take back what I said; I understand why people say that the grass is greener on the other side. There may be darkness in us, there may be no hope for us to live the way that we are now. But if we think that there is something better than we have now then the world will be better. That thing’s will be better for us on the other side, or maybe it means that when people say that the grass is greener on the other side then I think they are also trying to say. That when you die things will be better for you. That there will no longer be any hurt or pain. They will no longer have to deal with the crap that this place is giving. No longer have to see the destruction and chaos that we are truly creating. Maybe that’s why they say the whole thing with the grass and what not. One way or another we fall victim to our own sins. We can’t cure what we create; we can’t really exist unless we have some kind of sickness. It’s like the sickness inside us fuels are needs, makes us wake up in the morning kind of thing. It makes us do our normally everyday tasks. The darkness inside us can’t help but want more of want we gave it the first time. And if we do not feed its hunger then it will consume us. Takes us down into its black abyss. Where it will never let us be free. It will drive out our worst fears and make them become reality.

If I could run away and start a new life I’d go to New York. I love the big city and I love being surrounded by a lot of people. There are also a lot of job opportunities there. I would make it big, make a lot of money and then come home to visit all that I left behind. If I could do things differently, I would definitely rethink the way I choose guys. I know that sounds dumb but if you think about it, starting a new life includes all the aspects of your old one. I’d also change my hair color (again), cut it, wear totally different cloths. Not to be unrecognizable but just so it wouldn’t be a new start, it’d feel like one too. I would make all new friends, and I’d keep the pictures and memories of my friends I left in the closet. I could day dream about the endless possibilities all day but It’d take to long and I’d come up with the craziest ideas about my journey to the big city.

I’d get a job easy, have a great set up and a lot of helping hands. My head hurts just trying to think about all of it. It’s a little common though, everyone goes to act in
New York. Only difference is, I’ll be going to write. I’ve had this big fantasy that I could graduate from a journalism school and go and right for the New York Times. They’d love me, and I’d write about every little political scam and then I could settle down after a while and write a book in a big apartment. I’d get married, have a few kids, and retire later. I want to be able to look back on my life and say “wow, I’ve had a great life” and be done. No worries or debt. I’d be as free as the birds.

Do you ever wonder why some people do the things they do? If you listen to the news watch the movies that are out, or even just walk out onto the street, you’ll find that people and their state of thinking aren’t as they used to be. I am in disbelief when I see human beings do and say the things they do.

People are constantly in a state of paranoia. Many think that we’re going to be attacked today, tomorrow, next week, in a month and they think it’ll be terrorist related. Well we are under attack, by our own people. We rob backs, stores, houses, killing an outrageous amount of innocent people a day. It’s incredible how
America has taken a turn for the worst.

Our minds have been corrupted by media, advertisement, and businesses trying to make money off of us. But who corrupted them to think like that and produce those images? It had to come from somewhere.
Brittany Spears used to be young and innocent. She produced great music for young girls everywhere. But her producers knew people would soon get tired pf the innocent act and she was growing up. That’s when the “Toxic” music video came out and she wasn’t portrayed as peaceful anymore, but sexy. People loved her, wanted more and more of her. What happened to her old music it wasn’t bad; they just needed to keep her fans and audience interested.

My point is that people thrive on what’s “cool” and Brittany was exposed; for some reason, that made her “cool” up until she shaved her head. People didn’t know why she did it or what she was thinking but that’s when her status went out the window. She was considered crazy and expired.

We as people feed off of the media and what they say about famous people. Celebrities are people who we live through, who we want to be like and look up to. Our country portrays them as Gods. They have all the money so they are all powerful, omnipotent if you will. But they are just people like us, and they are only rich cause of us, because of people. If we didn’t listen to they’re songs, watch their movies or buy those magazines, they wouldn’t have anything. But if we want to me them so badly, then we have to get up from being lazy and do something about it.

There is still hope for the future though. Organizations and companies right now are trying to “fix” the world and its inhabitance. Like the “Above the Influence” commercials. They are trying to get it through people’s heads that smoking is not cool, and it’s unhealthy, so what’s the point. Some can’t help it and I understand that but that’s why there are patches, pills, and gum to help you stop. Nobody is alone in trying to quit. Some just need the motivation.

There’s no way in the world I would ever let anyone tell me they were thinking about ending they’re lives without doing something about it first, like talking them out of it. But what do you say to someone who has been through so much that they not only don’t want to, but they can’t handle anything else being thrown at them. There’s not a lot you can say to that person except words of encouragement and knowledge that you’re always there for them and that they’re never alone in what they’re going through. Though they think that they are not worthy, don’t deserve life, they aren’t good enough, pretty enough, strong enough; they have all the friends they could ever need in life. They are the ones that light up the room with not only their laugh, but their smile. They may be short but their personality is as tall as the sky. They have no idea the impact they make on other people every day. So that’s what I tell them, that life is too precious to just throw away. I’ve made mistakes, have been the mistake, and have learned from my own. This person is beautiful in every meaning of the word, and I can see them changing all the lives they come into contact with; so that’s a very good reason not to leave us forever. I’d hate to wake up in the morning and realize I couldn’t see my cupcake.

Death, poverty, suffering. What comes to your mind when you think of these words? What ever it is, it can’t be good. People ask themselves all the time, “why is this happening to me?” or “why doesn’t some one do something?” even “doesn’t God care?” All of these questions are from people who are going through hard times and can’t seem to catch a breath. These questions are coming from dying kids in Africa, orphanage, and hospital beds all over the world. The answers to these questions are in God. “Everything happens for a reason,” this is a very popular saying. The truth is God makes those things happen, hoping you’ll get something out of your experience. He makes these things happen so that other doors can open because of them.

Nobody said this journey in life was going to be easy, but hey, if it were easy, what fun would it be? What would be the point of living it? If we didn’t have bad days, how would we know what a good day is? Without the blazing hot sun, there would be now cool breeze. If we didn’t have sorrow and misery, how would we know what happy was, and what it felt like to be free? Without poverty there would be no wealth, and without suffering there would be no compassion. I know the bad is terrible sometimes but you always have hope, the hope of things to get better. It’s because things are bad that we know there even is a better out there. Sometimes all you have is hope and faith. But just know, that you are never alone.

How do others know how you feel? How do they know what you’re going to say? They don’t, they think they know, but they have no idea. If you date some one, obviously you like them. If you date some one for a good month or so, obviously you like them a little more than you did in the beginning. And when they say “I love you” you don’t take it lightly. You honestly believe them and don’t think that they will throw you away for someone else a week and a half later. The word love is so over used, that it’s lost its meaning. People use the word love to express their feelings about food, friends, a car, even a book… it’s basically washed out. But I hadn’t thought so when I said it back, especially when it took the other 2 hours to say it in the first place.

Your first boyfriend in high school is not going to be your last, and I hadn’t expected it, but you’d think it wouldn’t be your longest relationship at least. It breaks your heart when you hear someone you had deep feelings for say you scared them with your emotions, you’d think if they really did like you as much as they say you did that they’d want to work it out. But that’s a different story when there was another girl involved. It hurts when he doesn’t want to be with you anymore, but it hurts more when it’s because of another girl. To add to all that pain, he just had to be your first kiss. It was hard at first but you get over like I did, you move on. But a little piece of you will always like him, even like a friend. And you know you could never hate him.

Just Picture It
A world without heartache
That’s my dream
Because I don’t know how much more I can take
“Be picky” she says, when it comes to guys
Because mother knows best when it comes to lies
“They’re all the same” I tell my weary heart,
They only want one thing,
Right from the start,
“I GIVIE UP” I scream,
I’m done with my dream
Of having that one perfect guy
The one to make you laugh
But knows when to be serious
I hate when they’re always so damn delirious
I don’t like it like this
Being the one your friends talk about behind your back
“If you could name one friend
who always had a guy,
who would it be?”
Oh yea, it’s me
Well that stops here
No more living in fear
Of my heart being torn apart
It breaks so easily
I wish they would stop
And see what they’re doing to me
Once it breaks it takes a while to heal
So I try to be strong
And hide the way that I feel because it’s so hard
Not to break down every day
And I can’t find any other way
To get out of this mess
That I put myself in
It’s my fault
For not stopping it before
But it’s hard when you trust them
And then they walk out the door
You feel betrayed and alone
Exhausted and heart broken and even worse
When no one else knows what you’re talking about
They say, “I know how you feel,”
But unless your heart has been broken
As many as mine
Don’t you dare say you have any idea in the littlest bit
About what I’ve been through
I just wish there was one guy
Who could prove to me
Their all not the same…
Just one

Calling all singers!! Vocal auditions for the school musical are today, right after school at 3:00 in the Music room, S2. You must have a song of your choice prepared to sing, with or without music in the background. You can use a karoke cd as well. I better see each and everyone of you talented people there this afternoon!

I have a soft heart, but I’m tough as hell. If I see people suffering, I break down. But if someone gets in my face, or insults one of my friends, I’m not going to hesitate to stand up for myself or them. High school is so dramatic. One reason is that we are all so damn defensive. The upperclassmen are very hostile about our school, our territory, and our friends. We don’t like it when new people (freshmen) come in and drive us crazy. They don’t understand and are completely confused about the new world they just entered into. There is a brighter side however. Not all of them are stupid and useless. Some are actually nice, quiet, understanding. The ones who are annoying, loud, and lost, ruin it for the rest of them, and give us an idea that they’re all like that even before we get to know them. I know this personally because first of all, I was one of the lost and annoying ones. Second of all, I deal with them everyday. It wasn’t till sophomore year that I learned that I can’t keep acting like a baby, crying every time some one hurt my feelings. I learned to suck it up, be tougher, and keep it to myself. It’s ok to be loud and fun sometimes, but you just have to know when too much is too much. It’s so frustrating for us older ones that feel bad and take in a few little ones just because we feel guilty and can’t take it anymore. We show them what not to do, what they are doing, and what they should do. They are then accepted and are ready for their sophomore year. It’s a cruel world out there and this is just the beginning.